WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
