I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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