He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
