I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
