I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
