im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
