i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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