I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
