My friends, they love my intelligence
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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