it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
