I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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