Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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