...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
time to smoke my breakfast
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
