If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
