just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
