Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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