I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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