I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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