he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
