I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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