He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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