If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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