..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Randomize
