so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
