just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
