ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Randomize
