How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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