If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
