there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
