i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
