At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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