I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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