I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
