Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
