my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
