I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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