Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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