i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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