so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
