Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
