I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
