i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
