Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
