Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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