He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
