I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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