Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
