i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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