I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
