According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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