This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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