My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize
